


Caldar: The Rising

by SergeantStucky



Series: Prompts [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Don’t worry, Genocidal Potatoes, M/M, Potatoes, Prompt Fic, but - Freeform, no one dies, no potatoes were harmed in the makings of this fic, not just any kind of potatoes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2019-01-05 02:40:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12181302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SergeantStucky/pseuds/SergeantStucky
Summary: Bucky had never seen aliens before. Actually, he has, but only in Shield facilities. Steve told him about the aliens, the Chitari, and about his friend Thor and Loki but he never really believed him. He used to read about them in books and comics as a kid but always thought it was too fake to be anything but real. He didn't even believe his own eyes when Steve and Tony showed him the lab with the space whale and the rotting Chitari corpse, just put it off as a joke. But he sure as hell believes now, as an alien thrust his spear into his side.





	Caldar: The Rising

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, new prompt. Disclaimer, I don’t own any of these characters, besides the potatoes. And no genocide happens at all, so if you were looking for that, sorry it’s not here.

Bucky had never seen aliens before. Actually, he has, but only in Shield facilities. Steve told him about the aliens, the Chitari, and about his friend Thor and Loki but he never really believed him. He used to read about them in books and comics as a kid but always thought it was too fake to be anything but real. He didn't even believe his own eyes when Steve and Tony showed him the lab with the space whale and the rotting Chitari corpse, just put it off as a joke. But he sure as hell believes now, as an alien thrust his spear into his side.

They're nothing like the aliens Steve described. These guys are small, short, round and have outdated weapons like swords or spears. They don't even have a proper body, they're... potatoes?

Small four feet potatoes that seem dead set on destroying the human race. It's not like they're easy to fight though, Bucky, with all his training and skill as the Winter Soldier, is having a hard enough time fighting them. They just keep coming, and coming, and coming from their spaceship.

"Guys," Clint says from over the comms, "the... Potato Aliens are taking hostages."

He sighs. If only they were taller and human he could say this was like fighting in the war all over again.

He moves to Steve, who's making his way to the biggest ship, predictably where the hostages are, and promptly gets surrounded by a small army of vegetables. He kicks them, shoots and throws a grenade into the center of them. Steve is surrounded by his own small army, and he doesn't notice a potato sneaking up on him and almost stabbing him with his spear. He shoots it, Steve was never good at watching his own six.

"Thanks," Steve grunts in reply, then sends his shield flying through the horde of potatoes.

"You're welcome, Stevie," he sing songs just to hear the other man grumble.

Together, Bucky and Steve cleared the pathway to the ship. Before entering it, seven potatoes, probably guards, come rushing out, behind them four potatoes carrying a throne with a potato wearing a robe and crown comes out.

"Halt!" The throned potato commands. "I am Adams," the potato-Adams-introduces. "The king of all potatoes. I have been watching your people for a long time, and after some long negotiation with the potato council, we have decided to wipe out your species. You have been a threat to us for a long time, and now since your kind is undesirable we have decided to get rid of it. Permanently."

Bucky blinks because, what? This doesn't make any sense. He never heard of people attacking Potato Aliens. Before 2012, people didn't even know aliens existed. What could they have possibly done to them? He was right, this is just like fighting in the war. Expect instead of the Howling Commandos, he's in the Avengers, and instead of genocidal Nazis, he's fighting genocidal potatoes. What is his life?

"I've seen what you've done to our potato kind. You skin them, fry them, boil them, bake them. I don't know why you're doing this to them, but then you eat them, with hamburgers!"

Steve looks at Adams for a long time. "Are you talking about French fries?" He asks.

He didn't think it was possible but Adams' face darkens considerably. "So that's who hurts our potato brothers. The French will be the first to go!" Adams snaps his stubby fingers and five more potatoes rush out with a long shaped potato with a skull on it over their heads. "This is an atomic bomb. More powerful than what you pathetic low lives can come up with. I, Lord Tater-Tots, will personally see to it that all the seven bombs are dropped in each continent and kill the human race!"

Bucky's eyes widen, he knows what atomic bomb can do. He was there during the Cold War, he knows that Soviet Russia had some pretty damaging weapons. Even though he doesn't take the Potato Aliens seriously he's not just going to let them bomb Earth.

"YOU!" Adams points to Steve, suddenly furious, "will be the first to discover torture by the most superior species. You'll wish you would have died here instead. I've heard about your race, you Irish people eat potatoes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. You'll be the first to know what every potato on this planet has gone through."

Bucky doesn't even think. He's been tortured and controlled before. He knows what it's like to have his mind ripped out and suddenly he's not the one in the driver's seat. He knows how damaging and the amount of trauma that torture could do to you. So he was not, NOT, going to let some vegetable come in and threaten to do that to his boyfriend, his world, his Stevie.

"Um, I think not," he says then promptly takes out his grenade launcher that he strapped to his back and launched grenades left and right, blowing up the potatoes in large groups.

The rest of the Avengers continue fighting, more force and more determination in the power of their hits. Soon the Avengers overpower the Potato Aliens and push them back into their ships. Wanda and Pietro get all the hostages out, mainly people wearing cardboard Burger King crowns or having some food from McDonald's in their hands.

Bucky steals a kid's box of fries and walks straight up to Adams. "Listen, Adams, King Potato or whatever," He starts but is cut off by Adams' loud declaration of, 'LORD TATER-TOTS'. He huffs and rolls his eyes. "Okay, Lord Tater-Tots, I need you to get the rest of your army off Earth and never come back. These potatoes are made for eating not for...whatever you do on your planet. Bye-bye, we'll kill you the next time you come back with your bombs and army." He takes a bite of a French fry for good measure and says 'delicious' as he backs off from the ship and onto the cement.

Adams scowls but he grudgingly calls back his army and starts his ships. He blasts off a few minutes later and Bucky breathes a sigh of relief. Crisis averted. Just as he's about to walk off when hears the sound of something falling. Looking up his eyes catch on to the sight of one Potato bomb descending toward Earth, his heart rate speeds up.

"Tony!" He yells panicked, pointing at the large bomb getting closer and closer.

"On it," Tony replies, already flying up to the bomb.

Stupidly, Tony shoots it with a repulsor blast, and to his horror, the bomb explodes. He covers Steve with his body, but instead of feeling an unbearable heat, he feels something hard hitting his back. He feels many hard things hitting his back, like rocks dropping from the sky.

Daring a look, he finds potatoes dropping out from the sky from where the bomb used to be. He let's go of Steve and holds his hand out, catching a potato in his awaiting palm. He doubles over laughing, only a potato king could think of a fail-safe being raining potatoes. He could now safely say that he fought Potato Aliens and won.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, you got to the end. Congrats!! If you liked this fic, or have a prompt idea you want me to write, then just comment leave kudos or send me a message on tumblr!  
> http://hidingouthere.tumblr.com/


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